Rebirth

I always thought that I couldn’t force you to love me, that I couldn’t make you feel for me. But somewhere, I was certain that I’d never have to. Somehow, I felt that you loved me. Every time I speak of, think about or write that word now, each of those four letters pierce me. But the feeling remains. And has grown more intense perhaps. Because you love me now. Earlier, I assumed. Now, I know. I can see it in your eyes everytime I look at you.

I can see that you are sorry. I can see that you are repenting, that you have realised what you want in your life. Perhaps my love for you and your love for me had to go through this litmus test. And it has emerged stronger. What has happened, cannot be wiped clean. That’s certain. But it can be chosen to be forgotten.

I have tried to fall in love with the memory of you. But I am shaken out of my reverie every time I hear your voice, every time I see your face. Because now I no longer need to think of how you loved me earlier.. Because that time, that 'earlier', is back in my life. And I'm not letting it slip by this time.

I know you’ve made a mistake, you’ve wronged me gravely. In another situation, perhaps I could’ve forgiven you. But how do I forgive myself? I could never think that my mistake would get magnified and would catch me unawares in another avatar altogether. When I did it, I prayed to God for forgiveness. I didn’t have the strength to face you for a long time. I couldn’t look you in the eye for a long time. Gradually, I tried to reduce my guilt by being nicer to you. And you never knew about it. You still don’t know. Whatever you did, was perhaps my punishment. God has forgiven me, perhaps. And you have, unknowingly. I too, am forgiving you. I want to forget our mistakes and go ahead with life.

I want to begin my life afresh.. and I want you to be there by me. Because somehow, our wrongs are nullified now.. our love has been through fire, and has risen from the ashes .. stronger.